Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
