90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
