Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
