I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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