Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
