She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Bring me that man meat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
