I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
