I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
