we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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