Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
