How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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