Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
