So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
