Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
