I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
