fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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