and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
