The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
