The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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