i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
