once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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