mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
its not stalking. its research.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
