yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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