dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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