I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize