dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
