i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut my penus on the lid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize