i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
