Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
