I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
