the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
pray to the hookup gods
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
