Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
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Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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