he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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