My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
