I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
