HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
