We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
