we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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