A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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