Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize