The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
