his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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