You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
