Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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