She said her name was "party"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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