AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
