I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Quick, to the slutcave!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
