The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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