now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
