I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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