I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
