You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid