i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?