I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
