your parents love me but you hate me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
