Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You ruined the universe
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
