separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
