Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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