im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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