Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
