I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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