I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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