I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
