Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
